Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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