Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
