we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I checked into jail on foursquare
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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