this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
