She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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