Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
