Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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