i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
