Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize