Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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