My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
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