By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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