I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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