how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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