butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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