my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
