Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
