Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
