I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
