It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
At least life still wants to fuck me.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
