its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
