i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
