Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Gay?
German.
Pity.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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