just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
