A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
