why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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