i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
