you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
