i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
