I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
