her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Even the bartender felt bad for me
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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