its not stalking. its research.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
