I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
