Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
