Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
