ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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