So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
