Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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