I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
