whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
My penis needs a shock collar
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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