So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
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