Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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