Who wears a wallet chain?!
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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