I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
