It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
do herpes really smell.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize