I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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