batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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