brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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