Having a random hookup so left but love u
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
