Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Its about making memories worth repressing
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
