i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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