every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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