Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
