NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
