he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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