well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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