i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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