My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
