Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize