so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
