And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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