I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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