Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
