I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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