Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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