I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
