Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
