I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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