I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
me + whiskey = a bad person
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
