I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
