Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Randomize
