For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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