I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
