no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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