i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
