He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
