Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
