I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize