so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
