He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
