I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
