but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize