Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
