It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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