Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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