I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
