I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
