I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
That accounts for only three of the penises
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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