I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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