Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
