No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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