Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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