im about as happy as oj after his trial
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
