That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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