This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
