Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
