He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
They left me at home... I'm a liability
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
You left your phone here
Wait...
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