He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
