I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
