I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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