We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
