If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize