dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
