Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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