I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You made out with two different species that night
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
