You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
