Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
