It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize