New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
