If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
