Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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