Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
