You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
